I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm too high and old for this...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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