So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
