I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
