So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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