im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
