her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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