can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
