I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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