Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
