We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
