You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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