My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
