I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
