i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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