I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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