I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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