Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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