Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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