dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
