Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
