K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
