Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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