guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
