I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
