Screwed.edu
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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