I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
