btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
