And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
