I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
