you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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