Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
