So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
