The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
