Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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