I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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