WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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