Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
