does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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