Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
