very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
