I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
