I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
