I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
