yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
