Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
