i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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