I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
