just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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