"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
