just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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