how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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