there was a trapeze. enough said
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
