I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
