your room smells of hookers.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.