Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.

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  (484): I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8dyc
  Replies (23) Good night (4118) Bad night (801)
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  (650): View more from California

  we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA

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  (650): we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA http://tfl.nu/902z
  Replies (36) Good night (3104) Bad night (1008)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you can't hurt those

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  (314): I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over (314): you can't hurt those http://tfl.nu/gmcq
  Replies (7) Good night (4695) Bad night (1162)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

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  (786): hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night. http://tfl.nu/2z1d
  Replies (8) Good night (5103) Bad night (1588)
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  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (5216) Bad night (1113)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.

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  (519): Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn. http://tfl.nu/jg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (1237) Bad night (2754)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine

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  (214): I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine http://tfl.nu/8nsa
  Replies (5) Good night (1890) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"

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  (631): speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist" http://tfl.nu/hn7i
  Replies (4) Good night (1363) Bad night (585)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire

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  (240): Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire http://tfl.nu/bhj4
  Replies (1) Good night (1052) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  This is why I married you.

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  (479): The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning. (479): Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight? (1-479): This is why I married you. http://tfl.nu/g5es
  Replies (4) Good night (2870) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding

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  (916): I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding http://tfl.nu/cejl
  Replies (3) Good night (1095) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?

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  (480): He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right? http://tfl.nu/qib4
  Replies (6) Good night (660) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours

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  (425): Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours http://tfl.nu/gzq5
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"

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  (973): Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American" http://tfl.nu/vpvu
  Replies (0) Good night (271) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.

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  (202): Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card. http://tfl.nu/az1q
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (187)

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