from now on my penis is your penis
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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