I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
