I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you had me at cake vodka
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
