I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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