Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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