Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
