Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
