Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
