fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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