and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
