wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
