have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize