He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
