Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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